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Disclaimer: Star Trek Voyager and its characters are properties of Paramount Pictures.
Author's note: Ibagoalie, thank you so much for beta reading this.
This is a sequel to A Tear. Hope you'll like it.
Rating: PG
The Punishment by Eos
Kathryn stared at the mirror. She absentmindedly brushed her hair. It had been a week since she regained consciousness and two days since the Doctor released her from sickbay. She couldn't stop thinking about the dreams she had when she was in a coma. She heard the chime.
"Come in, Chakotay."
"Is there a point in asking how you knew it was me?" asked a slightly amused First Officer.
"Probably not," smiled Kathryn and motioned for him to sit on a couch.
"Before you ask - I've been fine, well, since the Doctor released me, that is. Five days in sickbay, can you believe it?" She closed her eyes in dismay.
"He only wanted to make sure you'd be alright, you know it. You gave us quite a scare, Kathryn." Concern was still evident in his voice. "You haven't told me what happened."
"You've read my report," she answered in a tired voice.
"Yes, I have read the Captain's report. But I'd like to hear what my friend has gone through. You know I'm here for you," said Chakotay softly.
"There really isn't much to say. Some alien decided we had trespassed on his sacred realm, so he fired at the shuttle, beamed himself aboard, told me we had to be punished for our incursion, and before I managed to utter a word, he shot me."
Kathryn sighed.
"Our EMH pulled off one of his trademark miracles and I woke up in sickbay."
"I know the facts. But I know you, and I can tell something is really bothering you. Want to talk about it?" He tried his full dimpled smile.
"Watch it, Commander," she answered playfully, "You should get a license on those."
She stood.
"Not that I don't enjoy your charm, Chakotay, but it's getting late, and I'm tired," she said in her best command voice.
"I'll be leaving, then. But you can't hide from your feelings, Kathryn." He cringed inside a little. He hadn't meant to say it that way.
"It's not healthy, you know. I'm here to help you," he finished, concerned.
"I know, and I will talk to you, tomorrow. Good night, Chakotay."
"Good night, Kathryn. Sleep well."
When the door had closed, the Captain finally allowed herself to let go of her mask. She noticed he had said more than he had wanted to, and it hit very close to home.
"Oh, Chakotay, it doesn’t even begin to cover it," she whispered weakly while heading to her bedroom.
Chakotay was sitting in Sandrine's finishing his drink and pondering over recent events. It wasn't the first time he'd been terrified of losing Kathryn - she definitely had her share of run ins with death. But his instincts were telling him that this time was different. Something was bothering her, and she was trying to hide from it. The last time she went into hiding, she almost trapped herself in the Void. If it wasn't for a small mutiny, she'd be long dead by now. He shuddered at the thought. Even after all this time thinking about the Void gave him the creeps. He couldn't let her retreat like this again. Oh, she was just a human being and no one should expect of anybody to be on duty 24/7 for nearly seven years and without any backup from Starfleet. Yet she stood up to the impossible challenge and was the finest Captain to this crew that they could wish for. She was an outstanding officer, skilled tactician and diplomat, a brilliant scientist, and on top of that, a compassionate and caring leader, holding the well being of her crew in her highest regard. He was honored that he had the privilege of knowing her, working with her and calling himself her close friend. He knew his feelings for Kathryn ran much deeper, he realized he loved her many years ago. He suspected she once loved him back, but he wasn't so sure anymore. Over the last year they slowly grew apart, and it bothered him greatly. He knew he was the closest to her on this ship, and yet she seemed to push him away. He had to find a way to reach her. She needed someone who cared for her, at least as a close friend, even if she didn't realize that.
"I will be there for her," Chakotay once again silently promised to himself.
"Hey, Old Man, I must tell you, you look like hell," B'Elanna commented, and sat down next to him.
"Thanks, I love you, too," answered Chakotay with a wry smile. "You know how to cheer a man."
"Got a lot of practice with this so called husband of mine," she grinned pointing at Tom who was standing next to the pool table with his cue in hand.
"So are you gonna tell me what's on your mind?"
First Officer sighed.
"I'm fine, just a little tired after these last two weeks."
"I know the feeling," she replied softly. "You're worried about the Captain."
"The Captain is fine, Lieutenant," answered Chakotay a little too quickly. "I need to go, have a nice evening, B'Elanna," he added in a more friendly tone and stood up.
"Sure, thanks."
"I hope for everybody's sake they'll resolve this once and for all," she muttered to herself after he was gone.
Life on the USS Voyager quickly went back to normal, at least as normal as it could in the Delta Quadrant. Not a week had passed and they made contact with another race, which to everyone's surprise turned out to be friendly. The Captain even managed to negotiate a much needed shore leave for the crew, which was slowly developing cabin fever.
Kathryn sat at her desk in the Ready Room sipping her coffee. She still couldn't get over her latest 'adventure'. She spent many hours pondering over her nightmares. Most of them reminded her of bad dreams she had as a child - getting lost, drowning, trying to call for help but not able to make a sound. However, it was the nightmare of Chakotay being killed in a battle that bothered her the most. The utter terror she'd felt when she'd realized he was gone. It forced her to face her feelings for him. She loved him.
"And what can I do about it?" She sighed.
The old argument came to her mind. She was the Captain. Getting involved with someone under her command wasn't the smartest move. There could be trouble as many things would have to be worked out. And he wasn't just some crew member. He was her First Officer. Their romance could endanger Voyager's safety.
"Pretending there's nothing between us could be far more dangerous," she thought.
"And doesn't he deserve at least my honesty?"
"Here I am, pondering about my love life instead of working. This consumes too much of my energy," she shook her head in frustration.
"Wouldn't it be easier for us to resolve this once and for all?"
"Admit it, you're afraid. What if he doesn't love you any more?"
The chime stopped her silent dialogue.
"Hello, Kathryn. Ready to beam down?" Asked Chakotay with his dimpled grin.
The Captain stared at him blankly.
"Don't tell me. You forgot about your shore leave. Well, you scheduled it yourself. Violating your own order wouldn't set a good example for the crew," he added with a completely straight face.
"You added me to the shore leave schedule I approved yesterday," she asked slightly shocked at his audacity.
"You should read your reports before you sign them, Kathryn," responded Chakotay with a barely concealed smirk.
"You sneaky... I'll get you for it someday, remember that." Her eyes narrowed, but there was playfulness in her voice.
"I won't doubt that for a minute," he answered with a wide smile.
"So if you went to such a trouble organizing this, I assume you have some suggestions."
"Well, I thought we could go to the Olega Mountains. They're on the Eastern Continent. Actually, I've found a lovely spot for a picnic. What do you think?" He asked hopefully.
"That would be great," answered Kathryn, suddenly jumping at a possibility of spending more time with him. "Maybe at last I'll manage to pluck up courage and tell him how I feel," she thought.
"I'll meet you in transporter room one in an hour," Chakotay smiled and left the room.
"You certainly know how to impress a woman," said the Captain appreciatively as she looked around.
"I aim to please," he said jokingly, as they moved through the valley.
The view of the mountains was breathtaking, especially for someone accustomed to living on a starship. Chakotay hoped that these beautiful surroundings would help Kathryn to open up to him and reveal her recent troubles.
"A perfect place, don't you think?" She said unexpectedly. "Don't think for a moment that I don't know why you've brought me here."
"You've been trying for weeks to make me talk," she sighed. "Sometimes I think you know me better that I know myself."
"I'm your friend, Kathryn, I care for you," he said softly.
Kathryn looked up at him.
"Is that all?" She shook her head in frustration. Somehow the right words couldn't leave her mouth.
"What's going on, Kathryn? Tell me," he coaxed her gently.
"Well, you've got your chance, don't blow it this time," thought the woman.
"You're aware that when I was in a coma, I had nightmares," she started.
"Yes, the Doctor somehow used them to bring you back."
"They were horrible. They wrenched every ounce of terror they could from the deep insides of my soul. The alien said I needed to be punished, and it seems they were my punishment for a crime I didn't even know I'd committed."
"I'm sorry you had to go through that," he took her hand.
"However, there was one dream that bothers me the most." the Captain took a deep breath.
"I saw you, killed in a battle," her voice trembled slightly. "I saw you dead."
"Kathryn..."
"No, let me finish," she paused for a moment.
"I realized something important. I realized I loved you," her voice was quiet and tentative.
Chakotay was stunned. Of all the things he suspected she would say, this never crossed his mind. He stared at her.
"She said she loved me, didn't she?" He thought incredulously.
Kathryn's heart was sinking deeper with every minute of prolonged silence.
"He doesn't love me anymore, I pushed him too far," despair started to overwhelm her thoughts.
"Say something, please," she pleaded with a barely audible voice. She didn't remember feeling so vulnerable and lost. "I'll understand if..."
Chakotay smiled and silenced her with a kiss.
The End
I'd love some feedback.